Reflections.

Today has been a long, emotional day. The Lizard's Aunt K passed away last Tuesday, her memorial was today.

I'm beginning to think that it's almost better to be in the thick of things than it is to be on the periphery. With my grandmother, nearly two years ago, the memorial services held little emotion for me. For the 1-2 weeks prior, my parents and I had been in her home, making arrangements, pulling together pictures and information and things for her memorial. We buried her privately: just my mom, dad, me, the guy from the mortuary and the grave digger. We said good bye. We held each other. We cried together. And we laughed and cried together as we sifted through her treasures and dealt with idiots from her insurance who did not understand any of the following phrases: she's no longer with us, she passed away, she's deceased, etc. He finally "got" it when I said quite bluntly, "She's dead. Do you need to see a death certificate?"

Anyway, when we finally got to the memorial services, my grieving was done. I had said good bye and made my peace with events. In a way, the services were anticlimactic (there were two, for the benefit of friends and extended family).

Today was definitely not the same. My emotions are still raw, and fresh, and bubbling to the surface quite easily. This week I've had to focus on living life and moving forward with everything else, not reminiscing or laughing at the fun times or crying that she's gone. Very little of my grieving was done until today. It was bottled inside, simmering quietly. It's so hard to say good bye under those circumstances. It's much easier to be in the middle, moving through the grief one step at a time, one memory at a time, until you have digested each small piece of the process. Today was like trying to gain control of a fully charged fire hose; it's nearly impossible as it whips around erratically.

The one thing that has helped most today is the following thoughts from Bishop Brent:

What is dying? I am standing on the sea shore. A ship sails to the morning breeze and starts for the ocean. She is an object of beauty and I stand watching her until at last she fades on the horizon, and someone at my side says, 'She is gone' Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all. She is just as large in the masts, hull and spars as she was when I saw her, and just as able to bear her load of living freight to its destination. The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says, 'she is gone' there are others who are watching her coming, and other voices take up the glad shout, 'there she comes' - that is dying. Bishop Brent

What I learned today.

So Facebook has a bunch of little "things" to write on, talk about and generally reflect or be narcissistic. For the most part, I ignore them. Yes, it is interesting to read about people and the fascinating things in their lives, but I hate posting a big list of stuff about me. I'm just not that "into" me...I'd rather hear about other people. However, one that was floating around was a series of questions to ask your children. Now that I'll do. And I learned a lot today. Here's the interview. Each question has 4 answers arranged youngest to oldest: Little Dude, Mighty Man, Monkey Boy, Little Miss.

1. What is something mom always says to you?
Don’t put your feet and fingers in your mouth, right mommy?

If you need help doing something, you can ask for help.

I love you.

Brush your hair.

2. What makes mom happy?
When I don’t put my feet and my fingers in my mouth.

If you clean up every single day.
Me doing my school work.

Spending time with me.

3. What makes mom sad?
Putting my fingers and my foots in my mouth. That makes you sad, mommy.
If you don’t clean up all the toys and all the magnatiles every single day.

Me not doing my school work.

When we don’t love you back.

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
Tickling me!

By tickling me!
By tickling me!

You tickle me!

5. What was your mom like as a child?
You were like toys.

I don’t know.

I still am a child. You? I don’t know what you were like as a child.

I have no idea!

6. How old is your mom?
Five? Are you five mommy? How old are you again? Are you firdy five?

I forgot. Sixteen?

Thirty five.

You’re thirty five, almost 36.

7. How tall is your mom?
You are so big mommy, but I am so ‘mall.

A little tall.

I don’t know. How tall are you?

64 ½ inches.

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Play Mater’s National?
Watch movies and play with magnatiles.

Playing Spider.

Spend time with us.

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
Play work? I don’t know. What do you do mommy?

Uh…go wild!

How would I know? I don’t know what you do when I’m not around.

You relax!

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
Playing Mario Karts.

I don’t know!

You would be famous for being the best mommy.

Probably for being the best mom in the world.

11. What is your mom really good at?
Working and doing school. And reading me books.

Helping me read and helping me build a bunch of ideas.

You’re really good at Mario Kart! You’re good at being fun and being nice.

You’re really good at helping me do my math.

12. What is your mom not very good at?

You are not very good at driving the car.

You’re not very good at chopping off sticks and cleaning the floor.

You’re not really that good at Mario Kart. But sometimes you can beat Mighty Man.

Playing Mario Karts.

13. What does your mom do for a job?
You do school.

You vacuum.

You do school with us.

You watch us.

14. What is your mom's favorite food?
Cereal.
Whisper it to me, I don’t remember. Meat?

Cheesecake!

Ramen Noodle soup.

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
Um. You don’t have gas.
That you give me hugs and kisses.

How nice you are.

You’re a really good mom.

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
You would be a mommy!

You would be Tinker Bell, because I like her!

Bambi, because he’s cute.

You would be Kanga.

17. What do you and your mom do together?
We do school together. We do the reading a whole bunch together. Can I draw a maze on my big book?
We help doing things right.

We do school together and go on rides at Disneyland.

We snuggle.

18. How are you and your mom the same?
We’re boys! But you are a girl, mommy. And I am a boy and daddy is a boy. And Little Miss is a girl too and Mighty Man and Monkey Boy and daddy are boys.

Our feet are the same.

We both are in the same family.

Our hair is the same color.

19. How are you and your mom different?

You are a girl and I am a boy. (whew! I'm so glad he figured that out, lol!)
The sizes of our feet are different.

We are both different people.

We have different personalities.

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
Because I know. Because you are makin’ sandwiches and macaroni and cheese and hamburgers and cereal and milk!

Because I do good things and we have connected brains. That’s how I know.

Because you say you love me.

Because you do things for me.

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
Lovin’ each other. Like kisses.
That he helps you every single day.

You like how much he loves you.

You like that he’s a good dad.

22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?

You like to do to the zoo and go to Disneyland.

Disneyland!

You like to go to the Birch Aquarium.

Disneyland!

What I learned from interviewing our children: That I don’t have gas, I’m a terrible driver (who knew?), I'm nice but I suck at Mario Kart, I’m really good at “doing school,” my housekeeping skills are lacking, we have lots of tickle fights, I’m the best mom in the world and I’m married to one terrific husband. Oh, and I like to go to Disneyland. And for the record? A good steak followed up by cheesecake is my ideal meal.

And now for your local news...

BANK EMPTY!

More than 5,000 people were disappointed to find all their money gone. The bank only held a little money in the first place. Then, PayDay players Little Miss and Monkey Boy Lizard admit emptying the bank while playing.

"It did make us rich, though," said Monkey Boy.

"Yep," replied Little Miss, "I counted the money afterwards. He had $141,900 and I had $229,000! We had a lot of fun!"

So, end this article...now about the dead skunk...blah blah blah

The above "article" was written on a scrap of paper I found tonight while cleaning up a table. Little Miss apparently wrote it a couple of weeks ago when we were experiencing prolonged exposure to a dead skunk somewhere in the neighborhood. I laughed when I read this. I never know what I'll run across when Little Miss has been up to her writing.

Finally!

After months of being in a cast and not being able to do much (especially when taking loads of painkillers), I finally feel like I'm back on top of things. Most notably, I am finally caught up with school for the kids! This has been a huge challenge for me, but I'm so glad to be back on schedule.

The kids are enjoying the perks of being caught up as well...more walks, more time to play, and of course, more free time to play the Wii. :o) Life is good!

Daily reading

About a week and a half ago, I started teaching Little Dude how to read. A few days ago, he started sounding out words. Here are the words he sounded out and read to me today:

am
me
see
sat
ram
eat (his favorite word)
rat
at
seed
sam
seat (his second favorite word...he's weird)
sad
mad
meat (yep, another favorite)
read
it
sit
meet (not the same appeal as meat)
ear
is
seem
this
that

We stopped there today as he is sick and his attention span (usually about 20 minutes for reading, longer for other things) started to wane. He is so eager to learn, which makes him easy to teach. If only they were all this easy! :o)

A poem.

Little Miss likes to write, a lot. Recently we visited the zoo and we saw a baby takin who was 24 hours old. Here's the poem she wrote about the baby takin:

The Takin
Dainty hooves dance and stomp,
Someone tiny is on the romp.
It’s plain to you and me,
He’s as happy as can be!

Teaching Little Dude to Read.

So I've been teaching our youngest to read. It has been quite entertaining to say the least. Today we were reviewing sounds and sounding out new words. It's supposed to go something like this:

MamaLizard: "Sound it out."

Little Dude: "mmmeeee"

ML: "Now, say it fast."

LD: "Me!"

Today we were reading along quite nicely, until...well, they weren't going along quite nicely.

ML: "Sound it out."

LD: "mmmeee."

ML: "Say it fast."

LD: "Rat!"

ML: "What?? Sound it out again, please."

LD: "mmmeee."

ML: "Good! Now, say it fast."

LD: "mmmeeeT da RAT!"

*snort* I'm sorry, but how in the world am I supposed to keep going when I'm giggling? It's just not possible!

just a little update

It's been awhile since I last wrote, and I would hate for any of my blog readers (ok, my one blog reader besides my hubby, right Jay?) to think I had inadvertently fallen off the face of the planet.

So here's the deal. Last week I fell apart. After 4 months of being in a cast (yes, 18 weeks) I just could not take it any more. I emailed my surgeon who was unfortunately (for me) in the OR for the day. Then I went in, had them remove my cast for a routine cast change and refused to get another until I had been seen by someone. I ended up seeing Little Miss's ortho, who tried to get orders for me to get out of my cast. She wasn't able to find anyone willing to sign off on new orders, so back in a cast I went. She told me my surgeon would be back in the office two days later. I came back two days later and parked my happy hiney in the orthopedics department until my surgeon gave the ok for me to leave cast free.

So, I now have a thumb gutter splint to wear for the next several months. Every joint remotely connected to the thumb and/or wrist area is completely locked up. I am out of the cast, but have no ability to move my hand. At all. It's atrophied down to skin and bones and one nasty scar. The scar is completely adheared. I've been down this road before (to some extent) during each of my three carpal tunnel surgeries. I'm not thrilled with the length of the road ahead of me, but I'll take it one day at a time, one hot tub soak at a time until I'm able to use my hand again. It won't be fun, but I'll get there some day!

Oh, and after having an entire month (all of January) with temperatures in the 70's and 80's, we seem to be having a bit of winter. My toes are cold and it's raining. Oh well. Maybe this will cause our tree to finally lose all its leaves before spring? (which should be here in the next couple of weeks...heh)

Birch Aquarium

last wednesday we took the day off from school and went to the Birch Aquarium at La Jolla. it was in the 80's at the coast and quite a beautiful day. here are some of the things we saw:

A sea cucumber:

an enormous lobster (11+ pounds):

hermit crabs that tickled:

seahorses:

sea stars:

abalone:

lots of jellies:

some weird fish:

we also stayed to play in the water tables. we raced boats over and over again!

then we watched the sunset and went home!

it was a fun filled day and a great break from our daily routine.

winter in SoCal

so it's been in the 80's for the last week. all of the windows are thrown wide open. the kids are barefoot outside and in shorts. life is peaceful and good at the moment.

i hear so many stories of harsh weather, unfathomable cold (-58*F??? how do people survive?), and flooding and the likes. i tell you, i'm perfectly content to keep my weather, thank you very much. i'm thinking of having the garden tilled so i can start my garden. my roses are in bloom. i have a vase of wildflowers on my table. i have a tan. life is good.

the only (very minor) down side is that my cast stinks. it always stinks these days. i'm very ready to be able to shower without a plastic bag on my arm. some day...

15 weeks down, 5 more to go.

I'll get to it eventually...

it's not easy keeping up with all that i'd like to keep up with. for instance, i really wanted to take Christmas pictures of the kids. i did that this week, after Epiphany...well, at least it's done! the laundry needs to be folded, i need to do some more school with the kids, i should tidy the house before my parents arrive. or, none of the above. it's 80 out right now. we're having my favorite january weather of all. bright, clear blue skies, sunny and delightfully warm. it's time to trim my (blooming) roses and turn over the garden. time to enjoy the windows being wide open and the warm breeze ruffling the papers on my desk. time to relax and be thankful for the many blessings in my life.

this past week, i also saw my surgeon for a checkup. after 14 weeks, he finally said the words i wondered if i would ever hear...you're healing. the second surgery and my good behavior (who knew doing nothing would be so hard?) have done the trick and i am finally on the road to recovery. i have another 6 weeks in the cast, then hopefully i will be allowed a removable splint. i get dreamy when i think of being able to take a shower sans bag over cast, or swimming or simply the opportunity to soak in the hottub. life is good, just different from normal!