It just seems so strange

We (the kids and I) have been here in Oregon with my parents, cleaning out my late grandmother's house. For two weeks, we've been cleaning, organizing, packing, sorting, tossing, burning, recycling, perusing, moving and otherwise sifting through her belongings. It's been a fascinating journey through time. Time has stood still in this house. So many treasures were found in amongst the junk mail and newspaper clippings.

The last two days we have spent loading a trailer and the back of my truck. Tonight, as I roamed the house looking at things here and there, I was suddenly hit by a wave of sadness. This is the last time I will be in my grandma's house. It's the last essence of her in existence. After we shut the door and drive away tomorrow, that's it. That part of her ceases to exist outside of our memories.

My hands are cracked and bleeding. They burn when I wash them. They've been so used and abused and sadly neglected. All to preserve that which used to belong to grandma. I'm sad to leave the house that bears so many memories. I'm sad to close the door on this chapter in my life. The last 7 months I've spent a great deal of time with my parent's in one of the more difficult times in their life. We've become closer, laughed together, shared private jokes together (ask me about the shoe shine kit some day...it's worth the time to tell), cried together, slaved together. I hope we can continue the closeness we have, it means so much to me.

So I honestly don't know where I'm going with this entry. I suppose wherever my hands take me. My mind is lost in the sadness and quietude of it all. I feel a profound sense of loss and a deep desire to be able to give my grandma one final hug and kiss goodbye. I can only hope she hears the cry of my heart. It's all I have left.